PORTSMOUTH, OH – Alas, my eyelids, facial skin, breasts, stomach roll and butt have succumbed to gravity – the dreaded saggy disorder. My body may benefit from a tuck here and an uplift there. And old men may benefit from hair plugs, a belt lipectomy (aka tummy tuck), and another tuck (aka scrotoplasty) for sagging testicles. And free Botox and liposuction for all old folks with the aging condition.
Via the gender identity ideology, I am creating a new category for woke genderism; it’s an old-age saggy-baggy condition for heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, or transsexuals. No elderly individual should be turned away for free government-sponsored plastic surgery.
And I demand that Medicare or health insurance pay for all my surgeries. If not, I will protest until the cows come home. Afterall, it’s a civil rights issue. Senior citizens must unite and demand “old-age affirming care.”
Hmmm. Gender-affirming care is actually gender-rejection care because biology is tossed in the toilet as biological males and biological females reject their birth sex. How logical is that?
So, I am rejecting how the body ages and demanding plastic surgery for my entire body – on the taxpayer’s dime. And if I don’t get it, the government and those against it are bigots committing ageism. They are agephobics. How dare they?
“How dare they?” Greta Thunberg is my new BFF.
Hmmm. How can I get woke billionaires to throw money at my new-fangled civil rights cause and build a base of clueless followers? We must blitz the public with propaganda. We must change the language and buy off the mainstream (aka legacy, corporate) media. Big Medicine and Big Pharma must join the fight. Maybe blackmail a few congressmen and congresswomen or even the U.S. president. Hire professional fearmongers. Fund an Antifa-like mob to threaten opponents.
Perhaps woke AARP will join my fight. “California’s First Openly Trans Trial Lawyer Fights for Equality for All,” is an article on their LGBTQ website page. AARP is following nonscience-based gender identity ideology – surely, they would promote free plastic surgery for old-gendered people to transition to young-gendered people, another theory without a hard science foundation.
But we are keeping our original birth gender. So don’t discriminate against us for demanding special treatment and special laws to protect us. Moreover, on the weekends we choose to be nonbinary unicorns. And no unicorn wants wrinkly skin.
By golly, the ACLU better beat the drum for my new civil rights cause.
Journalist Libby Emmons, for The Federalist, penned a 2018 article, “Why Sex Change Logic Requires Doctors To Perform Every Plastic Surgery Imaginable.”
In a 2018 op-ed for the New York Times Andrea Long Chu wrote, “My New Vagina Won’t Make Me Happy.” The author discusses an upcoming vaginoplasty surgery that will create a “neo-vagina” where once there was none. This choice, to remove a healthy organ and replace it with an artificial organ that will require a lifetime of medical maintenance, was no doubt a difficult one. But Chu reveals that there is no reason to believe this surgery will result in happiness. The cosmetic, vaginoplasty surgery is neither medically necessary, nor intended to result in happiness on the part of the patient, yet it is still desired, still sought, and still scheduled, noted Emmons.
“Whether breast enlargements, reductions, rhinoplasty, blehroplasty, labiaplasty, vaginoplasty, collagen lip injections, saggy arm lifts, tucks, pins, and pulls, women have undertaken it all in an attempt to either meet contemporary, commercial beauty standards or simply to better enjoy the image they see reflected back in the mirror,” Emmons surmised.
Okay. I have to proof that old-age affirming genderism surgery is medically necessary and fabricate criteria. Keep in mind that I’m staying a female – I just want free elected surgery. And I’m keeping my vagina. But will Medicare and insurance companies buy into my illogical and irrational plight?
Gender Affirming Procedures:
Besides cutting off healthy breasts, genitals, and removing uteruses, the following may or may not be covered by insurance or Medicaid.
- Hair removal, hair line advancement and/or hair transplant
- Tracheal shave
- Brow (reduction, augmentation, lift)
- Facelift/mid-face lift
- Rhinoplasty
- Cheek (implant, lipofilling)
- Lip (upper lip shortening, lip augmentation)
- Lower jaw (reduction of mandibular angle, augmentation)
- Chin reshaping (osteoplastic, alloplastic (implant-based))
- Chondrolaryngoplasty (vocal cord surgery)
- Body contouring gender affirming surgery: liposuction/lipofilling/implants (pectoral, hip, gluteal, calf).
Well, old people deserve the same medical rights as the transgender crowed. Old ladies like me deserve feminine-enhancing surgery. I should not have to pay out of pocket – not fair.
“While medically necessary surgery is meant to cure ailments, alleviate symptoms, or redress a deformity, cosmetic surgery is meant to align patients’ internal view of themselves with their physical body. The only threshold for cosmetic surgery is a patient’s desire,” asserted Emmon.
I believe my nefarious plan with no hard science to back it up will work. But even after we recover from all the free plastic surgeries, don’t expect old people to be twerking and jerking in clubs or on parade floats.
Ryan T. Anderson, Ph.D., asserts that “People who experience a gender identity conflict should be treated with respect and compassion.”
I agree. Individuals diagnosed with gender dysphoria need empathic therapists and evidenced-based treatment.
However, the taxpayers should not be required to pay for elected plastic surgery for biological men or biological women that identity as different from their birth sex. Cutting off healthy organs is a choice and not medically necessary.
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